Yesterday, the surprising news that friends were due to depart this Friday in their renovated bus to live location independent with their two children triggered me. It was mental illness in action.
Until this bout of insomnia now, I didn’t realise why.
I wouldn’t have learned of their departure if I’d not reached out to catch up. They wouldn’t have shared the joy or if they did, it would’ve been a last-minute phone call because they’ve never been good at keeping in contact. I’ve always been the person to make the effort.
Don’t we all know people like that? It’s hard work showing you care to keep a meaningful relationship active.
This news upset me deeply because, selfishly, I wanted a piece of that joy, that freedom, the escape from the mental anguish and stress I’m experiencing every day.
Just for one moment, I wanted to live vicariously through them and I felt they robbed me of that joy.
Of course, this isn’t about them, is it?
It’s about my profound sadness at the current state of affairs we all find ourselves in.
I am not grounded. I am no longer connected to the Earth or to my spiritual core. I am a vacuous human existing day-to-day, not living and definitely not thriving.
In Feb 2020, I went on hiatus from all other social media platforms except this one. I’ve not missed them for a moment.
Over the course of these flower affirmation posts, I’ve begun to recognise an unhealthy trend my use of LinkedIn has been having on my mental health and emotional wellbeing. I dread to think how the stress has affected my unborn child. I get insomnia nearly every night. I circle the deep darkness of my mind for hours.
This isn’t just because of LinkedIn, of course, it’s just a tool. But, my use of it, in particular, what I’ve begun to write about since all this bullshit with Dickhead Dan started has disturbed me greatly.
It used to be that I would connect and deeply value the relationships I’d built on this platform, many of whom I call in-person friends today. I cannot say that this is happening anymore. LinkedIn has become devoid of meaningful relationships.
And where there is no value I can no longer contribute with an open heart and a loving, emotionally stable spirit.
It’s time for me to take a hiatus from LinkedIn.
I will still write. I am not capable of not expressing myself; it will be only on my website: caronmargarete.com
There’s a mailing list on it that you can opt-in to. I will send weekly digests of the posts I publish but that’s about it. If RSS feeds are still a thing, consider adding my site to your list.
To say that this idea scares the shit out of me would be an understatement. I thrive on connection, interaction and learning from others, but until such time as I feel grounded again, I cannot return. I would be breaking my core value of honesty, which is integral to my ability to care, collaborate and communicate.
Blessed be m’luvs.
To learn more about these beautiful cards that inspire so much deep thinking from me, you can visit Kym’s Insta @kym_creative or get your own deck at Kym Creative.
